were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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