I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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