Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
