Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
