I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
