Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
