Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
