i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
