I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
