In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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