1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
