I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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