you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
