I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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