Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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