I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize