Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
