I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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