I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
