Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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