So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
