toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
