DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
