He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
