We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
