first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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