Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
