i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
