Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
