So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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