Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
