I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
