When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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