Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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