I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
