Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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