awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
