dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
