I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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