I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
