Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You are a genius and a whore.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
