he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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