Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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