fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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