does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well I can't set my house on fire every night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
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dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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