sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
