I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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