i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
