She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
