Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
