So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
false alarm, still single
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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