I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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