Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This baby is an asshole
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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