i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
