Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
high people should be assigned attendants
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
