I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
