he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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