I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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