Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
