did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
