this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
