Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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