I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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