can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
