New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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