we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
