The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
