I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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