I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
