Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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