Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
