omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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