I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How naked do you want me to be?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
