you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
