I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
did i just pee glitter
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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