just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
