Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
