Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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