its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
