i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
