my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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